Am I in a frozen World?

31.7.05

I was happy, you were dead bound to cry no more. All I ever wished with a twisted turn and answer but I tried not to mind that the answer wasnt the one I was dreaming with. I'm trying to move on. Maybe I simply did wrong. I miss you, I'm sorry I killed you.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 7/31/2005

28.7.05

As pessoas tendem a ter.nos como certas e nos tendemos a se.lo.

Tu não estás cá.

Odeio combinar coisas com antecedencia, mas contigo parece que tudo tem de ser assim. Eu marco, e como sei que vai acontecer antecipo.me, vou mais cedo - odeio deixar pessoas à minha espera. Um odio que não parecemos partilhar. Eu espero e espero. 5 minutos, 10 minutos - conheço muita gente que já teria bazado mas eu não. Telefono.te mas o teu telemovel esta desligado. Começo a ficar irritada porque não dás sinal de vida. 15 minutos. Ok, nos portugueses somos um povo do quente, somos relaxados e estamos habituados a esperar. Eu espero sempre mas hoje não, nunca mais. Deixei. Desisti. Se quizesses mesmo aparecer aparecias, duvido que faças isto com os teus namorados ou com quem queres namorar. Não isto está sempre reservado aos amigos, a espera, a espera que os outros se cansem e voltei para nos para se lamentarem daquilo que fizeram sem nunca pararem para saberem tambem aquilo que lamentamos. Amigos tendem a esquece.nos porque nos esperamos muito. Disseram.me que amigos eram as melhores coisas. Suponho que tu não eras amiga dessa pessoa. Suponho que eu tambem não sou a melhor coisa. Fui.me embora.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 7/28/2005

27.7.05

I pick guitar to bass.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 7/27/2005

26.7.05

À noite.

Agora, quando a luz da lua ilumina a agua do rio, agora quando a escuridão sobe para cima das arvores e domina aqueles que estão lá em baixo, mundo terreno, é agora que eu me deito dominada pelo cheiro do incenso que arde sem parar... que me acalma os sentidos me ajuda a aguentar tu não estares cá. Sem fechar os olhos vejo-te e derreto-me. Como eu adoro este sentimento, perder as palavras só de olhar para ti, porque contigo eu sinto que me compreendes, eu sinto que me aprendes. Gostava de poder perguntar o que pensas ou de poder viajar nos teus olhos, ver o que tu ves. Gostava muito de muitas coisas mas eu não fecho os olhos e hoje recuso-me a sonhar porque tu não estas aqui.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 7/26/2005

22.7.05

I wish my eyes were capable of sending what I see to the computer, soo i could show you all my world without waisting words. I need a Cam.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 7/22/2005

21.7.05

Don't know who but I know what.

In a crowd, always in a crowd. Everyone is excited except me, no ideia what awaits me. I never have idea of what awaits me. They appear and slowly the drums gain life, the ritmn grows and the bass joins along with the guittar. I shake with emotions from those near me. My soul starts dancing and my body follows it. I dance, I dance Something touchs me, in the back, in my shoulders. There's a presence where there is air and I keep dancing. I raise my arms in the air. I keep dancing. Music is all that matters to me now. As i raise my arms the hands i felt before in my shoulders now raise also and hold my hands that are shaking in the air. Breath, something breaths to my neck. Still i keep dancing and the vocals join the ritm. I shiver, I lose control, you are with me. Music, you hold me.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 7/21/2005

19.7.05

Painting

Everything is white. The light. You walk and your footprints gain colour. You leave a trace... You touch the white wall with your right hand when you step back you see the place where you touched is now yellow. You sniff and some random marks stop in the air now as coloured as a rainbow. Everything you do you leave marks behind, full of diferent colours and forms. You walk so much, you dance so much. You start stepping over the older marks. One time. Two times. Three times. Four times. All the time you could until you realized that what once was beautiful, coloured, light. What once had a bright feeling of happiness and joy, what once were the steps of one dance is now Black, dark... empty again. You should know when to stop. What done a few time is fun might turn out to be dreadful. All the happiness given together is not to be enjoyable and ends up in a terrible chaos. You wont apreciate it.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 7/19/2005

Confession

"I confess I've only come here for you.", to tell it to a crowded room made it easy because nobody was listening and you weren't there at all. Probably you were flying around with someone else in your arms, I'm not suprised. Unbelivable, the many times I realized I loved you where when you weren't by my side. Be it all my life.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 7/19/2005

12.7.05

*Doki*Doki*

*doki*doki* My heart beats as I once more check the day, check the month, check the hour. "It's coming close." *doki*doki* There goes my soul, my body is out of strengh. This feeling that is taking over me... wont ever come off. Things gain importance and from a second to another I'm hitted by reality. *doki*doki* There's an unknown to be explored, I've lost all the prespective and my imagination has been stopped by you. *doki*doki* I see no sun on the horizont, still my sky is filled with stars.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 7/12/2005

8.7.05

Amnimals

We, humans, fight our instints soo we can proudly say "I'm a Human", soo I've heard. They told me that's what tears us apart from the apes, soo I laugh. I've never tried to trully control anything. I think and I do, I think and I say. I always follow my feelings ever if I know I will get scared, still I've never regret'd it, in my few year of living I can't recall anything that I wish to erase, not even a single minute. Now, I rethink about everything and I still smile thinking it, my dole life is soo sweet to me.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 7/08/2005

3.7.05

Eu ia a pensar a ti, a pensar em tudo o que te ia dizer. Em cada passo encontrava mais uma palavra, com cada esquina tinha mais uma frase. Agarrava todas as que conseguia e segurava-as nos meus braços. Não via nada nem ninguem, os meus pés guiavam-me ao teu encontro e eu sempre a recolher palavras, a guardar tudo o que te tinha para dizer. Quando o meus olhos te alcançaram a minah visão reapareceu e o meu racioncinio desvanesceu-se. Apesar disso consegui não perder todas as palavras, frases, todas as ideias e opiniões que te percisava de entregar. Aproximei-me e senti o meu sorriso crescer, não olhava mais que o teus olhos que muitas vezes me tinham enganado. Quando cheguei atirei-te as minhas primeira palavras cordiais, dei-te um Olá. Retribuis-te e desculpaste-te, disseste-me adeus e eu atrapalhada não encontrei palavras para te dar. Deste-me um murro amigavel no ombro e todas elas cairam no chão e como um objecto fragil de vidro partiram-se e eu fiquei de novo a ver-te partir. Uma lagrima solitaria rolou na minha face e soube que nunca mais queria saber do que te devia dizer, dos teus olhos, das tuas palavras.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 7/03/2005

2.7.05

Just Me

I'm home. Again alone... It's afternoon and my mind runs fast looking for something, looking for nothing. Everytime my mind runs it finds you. The memory of your conversacions keeps me dreaming. Your words come from the dawn of times and fill me with a sad joy.
I put on some music and close my eyes. It's loud and it is calm. A great touchy voice takes my soul out of my body soo it can dance freely to it's true ritmn. I just sit here watching my soul dancing and cheering free from the doomed thought of the brain. My soul is light, you can see it wherever it is, jumping and shaking... Still I am here. the only light you can see is the one from the screen of the laptop. I'm envolved in such a deep darkness because you are not here. Because you never were here. My eyes don't look up and my head moves silently to the sound of the music, trying to shove away everything bad I ever thought of. Just then... I can hear something quiet... and I get my old smile back, and anyone can find the happiness in my eyes now. I look up, to the screen and I start typping. I change the music and My soul comes in .... I get it's feeling. I'm now joyfull.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 7/02/2005

1.7.05

I feel like writting, but about what? My life is no fun and I lost all emocions except one, I wont tell it because someone asked me not to talk about it again. Guess not everyone is happy about it, and it's hard to understand this. I'm in love with flaws. <3. and i miss my brother.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 7/01/2005