Am I in a frozen World?

26.4.05

the Last time went by...

Last time I jumped was in joy knowing i would meet you.
Last time I smiled was when i was looking for your face.
Last time I laught was when you talked to me.
Last time I was happy was when you were by my side.
Last time I was sad was when you said goodbye.
Last time I thought was when I pictured how it would be if... IT HADN'T BEEN.
Last time I wished was that IT HADN'T BEEN.
Last time I cried was when I lost all hope.
...
Then I just lived my life with no feeling at all... until the
Last time I loved
that was when i lastly saw you.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 4/26/2005

16.4.05

A Fallen Angel III

I couldn't belive that there was other ways of feeling sad. I had never thought that you could feel sad and happy at the same time, but that's the twist that keept me from exploding when i talked to him. But there's a time when you can't keep it, right? A time when you know something must be done, that you can't continue going feeling of ilusions that everything is OK and a time when you feel exausted and depressed because you know you depend completly of these ilusions. To cut up on a addicion... the secret is stop right away, just the way you cut someone throat - quick and silent. I supose that's what i did to my sweet, sweet wounded angel. I hugged him with all care, and in a single gesture i finished his existence. I still see his body, and i still see his blood... tears run away from my eyes but i refuse to regret.
I'm afraid of reality soo i ran away.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 4/16/2005