Am I in a frozen World?

30.1.05

new rule:

.FORGET HIM!

Nilaratowen froze in time on 1/30/2005

28.1.05

Without a notice

It's strange that must of my "friends" happen to be boys. "Friends" because i don't feel i actually have that, it's more... people with who i talk, still is strange... that stuff change when for the first time i get to be in the soo called love. I'm really tired of losing friends over it, it's not like i'm something soo i can't see much of a reason, but it makes me sad. I'm afraid that (if i get to him) i find out that it wont last and it's not what i thought and maybe it is a sick joke. For all the days i've been worried and not able to help, as a minor godess that watches everything from the sky, for all my tears I fear that my fantasy will vanish without a notice from my world once confronted with my rude reality.Soo now, I dont find anyone to talk to, soo i write to this, a blog, not wishing answers, just taking everything out soo i can feel light again.

i've posted this aswell at my journal at deviantart

Nilaratowen froze in time on 1/28/2005

16.1.05

Breath of one soul

We use words to describe good and bad things, actions, feelings, to describe sensations still some of those sensations, feelings, actions, bad or good just never get to have a word. Without a word we may spend a million of others trying to explain it but you will never come near than by giving it a name. This obcessive need to name things is unexplained to me but it's also apreciated and is also one of my needs. Without writing about what i feel i can't feel well at all, even if what i feel is happiness, i always have to write it down, soo i can show and give to other people how my happiness was. It'd like when a young scientist bleeds and collects some blood to analize, but i am not a scientist and my interest is not the phisical world.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 1/16/2005

11.1.05

The bridge everyone crosses

About suicide everyone has their own ideas but no one can denny that sometime in live they have thought about it, some may even have tried. Almost everyday I think about it, even if just for a second.

""Another day, another class", I walk tired and once more I start crossing that bridge where the icy wind touchs my face and blows my hair, where I'm hugged by despair. As that happens i look both ways, not for cars but for people, checking if i'm alone. But with to check? On that bridge I'm always alone. I sit, when i start frizzing, ready to jump. Thinking how close I am of allowing the cold wind of the fall scare despair away and in the exatc time sanity takes me with her again, away from the bridge of my mind."

Nilaratowen froze in time on 1/11/2005

10.1.05

Love?

Love if nothing more than a parasite,
it eats you inside.
feeds himself on you
and grows without you noticing.

Slowly taking control,
Love slaves you.
Untill one day it explodes
right in your face.

You cry a river
because your master,
the ruler of thy world as died
and now you are free.

Still you miss it
and you can't stand
being on the comand
of yourself.

As an addicted
you will search another master.

May it be hate,
May it be love.

Nilaratowen froze in time on 1/10/2005

8.1.05

WAH?!

"What's this tingleing sensacion i feel coming from inside? As a lay sitted on a bench in the park, protected by the fog of the night I hold myself, not to think to much. I keep staring at the moon, who's light is fadding away with the clouds, maybe my thought go with that light, great mercy that would be. The silence starts bothering, something is wrong in the park of my mind, there's no one around, i'm alone thinking about you and why are you not here. Nobody enjoys a walk in such dark park, maybe when i change it for bright colors and the sun comes out. A great place with shiny green grass and a sky soo blue as the tropical sea, the calm and the quiet would be broken by the songs of birds and the monotony would be replaces by the kiddies games we would play, is that what attracts you? I can change from the quiet of the night, came out of the mist of the melancholy, i can stop seeing the sky as black and the moon can wait in her bed for eternity... I can change... but I doubt I will."

Nilaratowen froze in time on 1/08/2005

2.1.05

Feelings

We all, sometimes without noticing, have this thing... Good feelings come from the heart, bad feelings come from the entrails. It cames from the north people and i have nothing against it, in fact i know it's really right. When i'm happy my heart grows so much that it can explode any second... and when i'm jeaulos or angry i eat my insides in a way that i even get physical pain!

Nilaratowen froze in time on 1/02/2005

Reading?

As i read a nobel of a japanese guy that commited suicide after giving his writes to the editor(an anti-menji writer) I start to identify myself with one of the characters. He's calm, he as no will and doesn't care about anything... but himself. He's diferent and indescrible. It's fine, really normal to identify myself to some character, but this worries me... since i don't like that character. In fact i dont like of any character from that book, they are all much selfish, much calculists. For real this book doesn't reminds me much and it's unknown the reason of why i keep reading it. Maybe it's just for that feeling that it leaves after each chatper. "What feeling", you ask. I just feel that i'm above it all and i remind myself that i might be in love at that same moment...

Nilaratowen froze in time on 1/02/2005

1.1.05

Resolutions...!!
From now on i will only write in english... (on the blog, DUH!)
From now on i will try to stop the daydreaming
From now on i wil be more positive
From now on i wont be sarcastic... yeh, right!

or maybe i will just keep beiing myself and just do the first one!! What do you think? :o

Nilaratowen froze in time on 1/01/2005